Big Feelings

A mom's chat about strong emotions in her children

Parenting isn’t only about putting band-aids on boo-boos, smoothing out sleep schedules, and coaxing picky eaters. Sometimes there are those instances when you have to address an issue that is just as real in them as it is in you.

Not long ago I had a conversation with a child about those swells of emotions that can sweep away the unsuspecting individual. In this situation the emotion had been anger resulting in tones and actions that had to be addressed. The conversation went something like this:

“It feels kind of good to let that anger out, doesn’t it?

A nod with, “And it makes me feel powerful.”

I went on to explain the dangers that can come from indulging in anger and then said,

“When you feel that surge of anger building up, go outside and run as fast as you can! Or do pushups. Or jump as high as you can on the trampoline.”

A pondering silence.

“Big feelings are a part of being a person. They aren’t bad by themselves. It’s what we do with them that can be harmful. If you feel happy and then scream in someone’s ear or jump on the couch, would that be helpful or harmful?”

“Harmful.”

“When you’re super happy, you can run outside and shout really loud! Or give someone a big hug. What about if you’re so sad you stop eating and hide under the covers for days and days? Would that be helpful or harmful?”

“Harmful.”

“That’s right! When you are sad, you may cry for a bit and then go plant flowers outside or journal or go help someone who is also sad. Our emotions should be used for good. Even your anger can be used to make you stronger.”

This conversation was followed with a big hug and a prayer time together. It replays in my mind as I have my own waves of happiness, sadness, anger and frustration. Big feelings are not bad. It’s how we respond to them that matters and the example we set for those watching us.